Actress, Judith Audu, is married to a foreign national, Morten Foght. In a chat with Punch newspaper, the couple talked about their interracial marriage, see excerpts:
How did you meet each other?
Morten: I am Danish and needed some first-hand information about Nigeria. I connected with a lot of people on Facebook including my wife. She was very helpful in that regard. We chatted for a long time, before I came down to Nigeria and a physical meeting was made possible.
What attracted you to your spouse?
Judith: He has a very appealing personality and I love to interact with intelligent people. The more we chatted, the more I felt he was perfect for me; he understood how to communicate with me. He encouraged and motivated me to pursue my dreams. I saw through his heart even before I saw his physical attributes, which I also found attractive.
Morten: I am a man and we are quite primitive when it comes to attraction. Initial attraction is almost always physical – let’s be honest, she is a beautiful girl.
How did the relationship develop?
Morten: For the first year or more, we had a long-distance relationship since I lived in Denmark. I visited Nigeria but not as often as she would have wished. Our relationship progressed slowly via mails, Facebook and telephone calls.
Did you plan to marry a foreigner?
Judith: I didn’t plan to marry a foreigner. I went where the wind of destiny blew me and love happened when I didn’t see it coming. I just enjoyed his company and he proved to be a good friend.
Morten: I do not believe you can plan this. Before we met, my mind was made up about marriage and I had decided not to marry again. But what can you do when love strikes?
How long did you date for?
Morten: We dated for about two or three years. I do have a different cultural background.In Denmark, it is not unusual that you date for a long time before marriage, but it was fun getting married here in Nigeria where the tradition is very different.
How did he propose to you and how did you feel when he did?
Judith: He did it in a simple and sweet manner.We were having a discussion when he said we should get married. At first, it sounded like a joke and even though we had been together for some time, I did not see it coming. It made me feel really good and very happy.
Was there any opposition from your families?
Morten: I am not aware of any.
Judith: I have an amazing relationship with his family and I feel truly blessed to be married into that family
Why did you hold a secret wedding?
Morten: There is a difference between keeping something a secret and not going public. My wife and I cherish our privacy. We did not wed in secret; we only decided not to invite the press to our wedding.
Judith: I do not like big weddings because it is sometimes filled with people you neither know nor have personal relationships with. I feel a wedding should be an intimate affair with family and close friends in attendance. I like a wedding where the couple can walk round the hall, play and laugh with the guests.
How did you adjust to life as a married woman?
Judith: There wasn’t really much to adjust to since I have always been a simple and private person.
What would you like to change about each other?
Morten: I love absolutely everything about her.
Judith: We have been together for seven years and every day, I love him more. Flaws make us more human and he has accepted me, regardless of my imperfections. I love him the way he is.
Do you have access to each other’s phones and social media accounts?
Morten: My phone is part of my private sphere and my social media is part of my work tools being a headhunter. If we do not trust each other, we should not be married.
Judith: Trust is a major attribute that cannot be overemphasised in a lasting relationship and you should not give room for doubt. As adults, we respect each other’s space and trust ourselves enough to know that we wouldn’t do anything to hurt each other’s feelings.
What hobbies do you have in common?
Morten: We do not have too much spare time together, but we like to go out and get a good dinner, lunch or just sit at a café or we go to the movies. We travel together to visit friends and family.
Judith: We are both movies and music enthusiasts. We love to hang out and eat good food.
Do you get jealous of your wife’s male fans?
Morten: I never get jealous. If my wife gets attracted to another man, there is nothing I can do about it. Why should I go around in a state of mental distress about something I cannot change? Life is way too short for that.
Has marriage deprived you of your freedom?
Judith: Marriage has made me the woman I am today.If I hadn’t married my husband, I probably wouldn’t have chased after my career. He encourages me to remain focused and not lose track of my goals.
Is your husband comfortable with your decision to retain your maiden name?
Judith: He doesn’t have a problem with it. I am his wife and his name is written on my documents. I have just adopted the other as my stage name.
How do you cope with unkind remarks about you being married to a white man?
Judith: It used to make me feel bad but now, I am used to it. I no longer mind when people air their unpleasant thoughts.
How have you managed to keep your marriage despite the failure of some celebrity marriages?
Judith: Our union is based on love, friendship and respect.
How do you handle disagreements?
Morten: We don’t really fall out and when we do, we make sure the issue is resolved, before we go to bed at night.
Judith: After a quarrel, I go to bed and hope the next day will be better.