I got married almost 4 years ago and just before I got married, my husband got to know I had some money with me belonging to my brother which was in millions and he asked me to loan him for a business.
I hesitated but due to constant pressure from him, I gave in(you know the way men behave whenever they need something desperately). He started that business quite all right and got some returns but all of a sudden, he got duped and the entire money went down the drain just some weeks before our wedding.
Now I was working with an average firm and receiving some money, just an average salary. So for the first 1.5yrs of our marriage, we had to pay back my brothers cash which caused some issues.
I blamed him a bit for putting the family in a mess cos he was so adamant in collecting my brothers money while I warned him but I didn’t bother so much cos I felt he meant well for the family.
He was equally working too so he paid just a bit of the money back. After that, I observed that my husband doesn’t know how to spend money at all, he doesn’t drink or womanize but money just disappears to the extent that I was going to take charge of his account so I can monitor it properly but I discovered that he gets too sentitive when it has to do with financial issues which is very important to every marriage.
He hates to talk about money and that was a big issue. I had issues and couldn’t get pregnant for 2 years and he actually stood by me. He is a very nice guy but I only have problems with him financially.
I got another job about 1.5 year ago and the whole situation changed. I was earning very well and more than he was earning.
He began to rely on me completely, this guy drained all my money.
Unfortunately he was laid off work and even shortly before then the company wasn’t paying staff salaries regularly.
When he got laid off, I suggested that he should get another job but my husband refused.
The company called him back but he turned down the offer. He insisted he was going into business of course because he knew I had money.
Meanwhile, I wrote my professional exams and even masters while we were dating and encouraged him to do same. He tried but kept failing all the exams. I encouraged him to retake the exams and he complained that money was a constraint but I promised to pay for the exams but he just refused take it.
Its been 7 years after graduation yet my husband is still on the same level (just BSC).
As I was saying, I got this new job and he totally relied on me for everything to the extent that he had all my atm cards and would withdraw cash at will.
I would be in the office and would just keep receiving alerts.
Finally I supported him when he said he was going to start another business since that was what he wanted.
I gave out another N2.5 million for the business but as I speak, the business has gone down the drain.
Each time I asked him what he was doing with money, he would get upset and turn it to a heated argument and would say I insulted him cos I was paying the bills.
I have paid the house rent for 2 years now. At a point I got frustrated and asked my dad for advise,and my dad told me to speak to a member of his family as we knew he wasn’t telling them anything.
I called his elder sister and she advised that I should open a secret account and put some money there for my sake and that of our unborn kids(I was pregnant then).
Till now I haven’t opened the account because I want peace in my home,he knows how much I earn and would even plan on my salary.
I give him everything he needs even access to my online banking, he would transfer money at will.
Right now, I am frustrated, it is a different case if he lost his job and hasn’t found another one but clearly he doesn’t want to work.
He said he wasn’t getting enough sales in the business reason why he closed it down but I think he just didn’t put enough effort. We just had a baby and he didn’t contribute a dime to the delivery of this baby. I am very broke at the moment because he has withdrawn my entire money to the last kobo.
I had to tell my brothers to send me cash which he would spend again, he has no shame at all.
My brothers know about this and they all blame me for spoiling him. They said he shld go out and fend for his family. Of recent I asked him to get a job and promised to speak to some people on his behalf but he warned me not to tell anyone.
He goes thru my phones, shields me from my family so I cant tell them anything. He brags a lot outside without having anything and this bothers me.
Please what do I do, I am a good christian and want my marriage to work but at the same time, our baby would start school soon, how do we pay school fees and all that if I continue to let him have access to everything while he’s showing no sign or interest of trying to get a job. Please save a soul.