Lipstick on his collar is now old-hat when it comes to spotting a clue that your man is having an affair — instead, keep an eye on these including his music downloads.
Former mistress Clare Oke-Smith reckons a sudden change in favourite bands is one of the textbook new red flags. So the 29-year-old Mistress is now sharing all the ways she noticed her lover was behaving while trying to woo her and cover up his affair to his wife.
Clare fell for the handsome love rat after he convinced her that his marriage was over. She said: “I never thought that I would become a mistress — I hate the idea of taking another woman’s husband.
“I was effectively conned into becoming the lover of a married man. “I believe men cheat because they reach a stage where they wonder if that is all there is and want to test their manhood.
Insight…The former mistress believes men cheat to test their manhood. “It’s a cliche, but it’s often part of a mid-life crisis — they think they will regain their youth by bedding a younger woman.
“I think married men often search for women who seem vulnerable, because this makes them more susceptible to their charm.
“Often they are going through a period of stress or even depression, and feel they need to bring excitement into their life.”
She continued: “I have made a promise to myself, I will never be a mistress again, as my relationship with a married man ended very badly and left me both depressed and ill, with my self-confidence shattered.
“I’m just glad I can help other women spot the warning signs.”
Clare’s 10 clues to straying
- LATE NIGHTS
A big pointer is if your partner is staying up well after you have gone to bed. It’s easy to FaceTime or Skype a lover in the early hours, while the family is safely asleep in bed.
- MYSTERY SPENDING
If your other half has taken out a new credit card without mentioning it to you, this is a red flag. Look out for the bills arriving which are immediately spirited away. Or if you see new plastic appear in his wallet keep your wits about you – it may have an online statement you can’t see.
- CHANGING TASTES
If your beau is suddenly interested in new music and downloading tunes from bands he had never heard of before, be alert. This influence may be coming from someone whose opinion he values, and who he is
- TECH SECRECY
If your other half hides their phone or laptop from you, or locks it with a new code this may be cause for concern.
I learned from overhearing calls that when a person is lying they have very little time to make up a story. Sarcasm is one way to bluster through explanations. Wise-crack answers may mean you are being lied to.
- MORE TIME BEING SPENT WITH FEMALE CO-WORKER
Spending more time than usual with a woman from work, chatting to her online or arranging work trips in which she is always a part, is a red flag. This is how my lover covered up many of his liaisons with me.
- NEW MANNERISMS
Using new phrases, trendy slang or mannerisms is a big clue. If they’re spending time with a younger woman they’ll subconsciously pick up many on-trend expressions they never used before.
- BECOMING A PEACOCK
Taking more pride in their appearance, buying new clothes, dieting or becoming very keen on visiting the gym is a classic sign of philandering. They thought they were good enough for you before, so why are they having doubts now? Could there be someone want to impress?
- SEX LIFE LOSING ITS SPARKLE
Most men, no matter how duplicitous, find it hard to sleep with two women at the same time. It takes an awful lot of energy and planning so your love life will suffer if you are living with a cheat.
- EMOTIONAL DISTANCE
If his eye is wandering your partner may stop letting you in on their plans, or being evasive about things like booking holidays or days out.