The call with Grace made him quite erratic and that was unlike him. He used to always look out for her call,
Osaze: “what’s wrong with me?”
He dropped into a chair as it spun with him. He did that to be distracted. But it wasn’t working. The thought of Zainab kept on popping up. It was messing with his mind. The dream kept on flashing in his mind. The dream about the date with Zainab.
“That can never happen!” he said to himself as if he was trying to give himself some assurance.
He walked up to the table sized fridge and brought out a sweaty bottle of Coke. He was addicted to Coke. It was an addiction he enjoyed, one he wasn’t ready to fight or give up. His wife had tried persuading him to quit drinking Coke but it was a lost battle,
Grace: “Baby, Coke addiction is bad, you know? It has caffeine which isn’t really good for your body. And besides you can use to wash clothes,clean rusty battery heads for cars and so on. Meaning it’s quite unhealthy for human consumption,” she told him after reading an article on line.
Smirking he replied,
Osaze: “Forget dat tin,sweery. I started taking Coke as a baby. Popsi na Coke addict and nothing do em. He is still strong and alive. You can attest to that. A man of ninety plus!” he shrugged, “Me, I don’t believe all these articles online. Do you know how seductive a sweaty and chilly bottle of Coke is?”
She knew there was no need going further, he’d always win.
He sat on the chair crossed his legs as he sipped the drink and played with his phone. He logged on to Adelove. Com, his favourite blog. He needed a very good distraction and clicked on the Jokes and Rumours category. That was his favourite and read a joke:
For Laughs! How we used to love in the 70’s
Genuine love and romance existed only in the 70’s and 80’s. Folks then were more romantic when letter writing was the inn thing and not today that the social media has come to kill all that. The romance itself was in the letter writing that always had vocabulary that depicts real affection.
This is a letter written by a boy to a girl he intends to date:
- BOX …
8TH JUNE, 1985
Dear Sweet BLE-BLE,
Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. I hope you’re swimming in the wonderful pool of Mr. Health there. I am also palambulating in the cool breeze of wellness here.
Sweetie pie, the reason why this miraculous thing is happening is because, honey, I love you spontaneously, and as I stand horizontally parallel to the wall and vertically perpendicular to the ground now, I only think of you, since you are a fantastic and fabulous girl put together as fantabulous. I implore you to decipher this my anthem of love oozing out from the innermost pendulum of my thoraxial cavity.
Darling, please stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat.
To me each day I start by dreaming of you. Each time I see you my metabolism suddenly halts and my peristalsis goes in reverse gear. My medula oblangata also ceases functioning.
Crazy, crazy, crazy you may say but this is verily veritable. If only you knew what is going on in my encephalon you would prostrate. That’s why I need to see you vis a vis soon for a better elucidation through tete a tete. No hyperbole & onomatopoeia, simple candidness.
Only u and me are protagonists in this subtle affair. As I cogitate and ruminate over the last episode, I genuflex before the Omnipotent and implore him to let this affair emulsify.
By the way, I was bamboozled, scintilated, exhilarated, and left in a state of prolonged euphoria by the contents of your missive which was quite edifying and exhalting. It left my bio-chemistry in a paradise-like equilibrium.
Empirically speaking, I love u chemically… I don’t ever want to see gloom and doom looming over your angelic live portrait. Let my appellation be scribbled across your heart, with indelible ink. If any boy tries to ask for your companionship, tell him that u are leased and caveated.
I think I have to pen off here, because I still haven’t finished studying electrolysis polymerization. But before I evaporate, I like to revitalize your memory with those encapsulating lyrics which proclaim that catarrh is my butter, your piss is my mimbo, the world’s greatest lover is me.
Catch you later. Sleep tight and don’t let those bed bugs bite you because you are too sweet for them. Goodbye for now.
Your slave in love, your pillow, your cushion,
Now, do you agree that folks loved better way back in the 70’s?
He found himself roaring with laughter. Holding his stomach, he bent down laughing. Startled as he raised his head and saw a figure smiling looking at him. It was Zainab,
Osaze: “Oh, you startled me!” she smiled at him.
Zainab: “ You were busy laughing! So what’s making you laugh? Chat with wifey?” she sat on the chair opposite.
Osaze a bit relaxed smiled and said,
Osaze: “Nah. It’s Nothing serious just read a joke from a blog Adelove.com…”
Zainab: “… wow, I visit the blog too. My favourite I’d say. I love their stories!” she chipped in.
Osaze: “They are top-notch. It was my wife that introduced me to them. She is a big fan!”
Zainab: “What I love more is that their stories are situations we can relate to and are suspense filled!”
Osaze: “That’s true!” he dropped his phone and noticed she was staring at him, he looked away.m
Silence fell on them as he busied himself looking around and she seemed to be staring into her phone but stared at him at intervals. It made him uncomfortable. He was praying for her to just say a word or bid him goodbye and disappear. He grunted,
Zainab: “How’s wifey?”
Osaze: “she is fine!”
Zainab: “I’d love to meet your family someday.”
Osaze: “Sure. Yes someday!”
Silence strolled back. This time she didn’t fondle with her phone, but kept a steady gaze at him. Nevertheless, he pretended to be playing with his phone. He could feel her eyes peering at him.
Zainab: “My father is Fulani and my mother is from Auchi from your state but she has never been there. Her grandfather moved to Kano and settled there. That was where her father was given birth and she too was given birth to there. So we don’t really know much about our Edo blood,”she quipped, Osaze smiled, “but I barely understand Fulfude just Hausa.”
Osaze nodded. He didn’t have anything to say. Somehow he wished she had appeared while he was still single. He sighed and shook that thought off his mind.
Osaze: “Let’s go to the studio so I’d take a portrait of you,”as he took his camera a call came in and she took it. She spoke in Hausa. Her Hausa was delightful to the ears; a sweet melody.
The call ended and she smiled at him,
Zainab: “ Oh,oh too bad. Next time. I have got to go!”she took up her big gigantic pink bag as she made for the door, she added, “I’d love to take you out!”
The words planted his feet on the spot he stood. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t believe his ears. Her last statement kept resounding in his ears. Sighed, dropped the camera and dropped into the chair. What was wrong with him? He thought.
“I sure need to get a hold of myself. I love you Grace! I love you! I love you!!! I love you!!!”he said. It was a way of assuring himself that he wasn’t going to fall for Zainab. The beautiful girl with fire in her eyes.
Grace and the kids sat in the dining room waiting for Osaze, who was taking hours showering. Alex who placed his hand on the table resting on the chin said,
Alex: “Is dad bathing or bleaching? I’m hungry oo!” Sandra laughed as Grace giggled,
Grace stroked his head,
Grace: “ naughty boy! I’ll tell daddy!”
Sandra still laughing,
Sandra: “But seriously mum, I am hungry.”
It was a family tradition that they always ate together. Grace was wondering why Osaze was taking too long. She quickly rushed to warm the soup having discovered it had gotten cold.
Grace: “ Sweetie go and call your father!”
Sandra knew she was the one being referred to,
Alex: “ Go on,daddy’s wallet!”
Sandra smacked him on the head,
Sandra: “ Mummy’s hand bag,” she ran off.
They always teased each other with those names.
As she entered the room, she saw Osaze lying down and she couldn’t hide her shock,
Sandra: “ Daddy you’re lying down while we are all waiting for you at the dinning table!”
Osaze flared up,
Osaze: “ Get out of my sight! Is that how you talk to your father?”
Befuddled she burst into tears and ran out,
“Oh my God, what have I done?” he held his head.
He couldn’t believe he had just yelled at his daughter. It was the first time he was doing that with no reason. He felt bad. He had been thinking of Zainab before she came in. He could hear Grace calming Sandra. He felt ashamed of himself. How was he going to face his family?
What was wrong with Osaze? Was he losing his mind?
… See Episode 4 Below (You don’t wanna Miss this!) … AdeLove Stories … Premier Naija Inspirational Blog!
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