Madam Funmi picked her phone and dialled Terence’ number for the umpteenth time that day but he didn’t pick. She was worried and so she drove to the apartment that she had rented for him. On getting there, she met his door locked. She was about going back when she saw him drive in with his friend, Tom, talking loudly from the passenger’s seat. Terence cursed inaudibly, when he saw her at his door post, her car keys dangling in her hands.
Tom: “omo, see your guardian angel dey wait for you o”, he teased his friend.
Terence: “If I punch your face, ehn. You no go ever use your eye see again”, he said as he turned off the ignition of his car.
As soon as he got down, he smiled sheepishly but madam Funmi’s face wore no expression.
Terence: “Hello, love. I hope you have not been waiting for long? Why didn’t you call to tell me that you were coming?” he asked as he fumbled with his side pocket in search of the apartment’s key.
Tom: “Good afternoon, ma” he said to Funmi.
Funmi ignored him.
Tom: “I am greeting you, ma.” He repeated.
Funmi: “Afternoon”, she replied without casting him a glance and turned to look at Terence who was struggling with the lock of the door.
Tom: “well, I see that I am not welcomed here. Guy, let me go to my lodge, we go see later na.” He said to Terence who nodded.
As soon as they got into the apartment, Terence went and sat down.
Terence: “Are you okay? You look moody and that attitude you put up before my friend was very embarrassing you know” he managed to say.
Funmi: “is it me that you are talking to like that?” she asked with all the pent up anger she had been nursing in her heart against Terence who was obviously trying to avoid her were evident in her voice.
Terence stood up, went behind her and held her on the waist.
Terence: “Hey, don’t be too hard on your boy. It is still me, you know” he switched on his charm.
Funmi: “Where did you go that you had to switch off your phone all day and why does it seem like you are trying to avoid me?”
Terence released her waist, went back to his seat and ran his fingers through his head.
Terence: “Is that what the face is all about? Well, I needed some time to sort myself out so I switched off my phone.” He answered while tapping his phone.
Funmi: “really? What do you need a time out for? No, answer me. The last time I checked, you had finished writing your final exams last week and you will soon be rounding up your project, so what do you need a time out for? So you can drive all around town with my car?”
Terence’s anger flashed before him and he stood up abruptly.
Terence: “What do you mean by your car? A car that I worked hard for before you bought it for me?” he asked breathing heavily from the pressure of trying to control his anger.
Funmi: “You worked hard for it? I can see that you are nothing more than a bloody ingrate. I should have known that you are also like every other desperate and lazy young man in this country” she said vehemently.
Terence: “What is it now? Why are you insulting me unnecessarily? After all, I worked so hard in bed to satisfy you, can your lazy husband do that?”He retorted sarcastically.
In a flash, Funmi threw out her hand and it connected with his cheeks in a hot slap. Terence staggered and regained balance. He wanted to charge at her but knowing that she was older and richer, he restrained himself.
Terence: “This is it, I have had enough of you and your bossy attitude. I am trying so hard not to lose my temper here because I know how terrible I can get when that happens so please just take your old self out of my house” he pointed at the door with his hand.
Funmi: “Your house? Is this your house? A house I rented with my money?” she asked with shock.
Terence: “Just leave please, I am going in there to shower, if I come down here and meet you, you will not like the scandal that will be carried about you tomorrow. Remember that you are a public figure, I have nothing to lose.” He walked away leaving Funmi shocked to the bone marrow. She had never expected that Terence could be this daring and rude.
Funmi: “Terence, you have just bitten the fingers that fed you. You think you can talk to me anyhow and walk away freely with all that I have done for you right? You must be stupid to think that you can go scot free. We shall see!” she threatened.
Mr Fabian was at an exclusive bar in one of the high brow areas of the state capital discussing over a bottle of chilled wine with his best friend and political mentor who had just flown in from London for them to map out strategies that would ensure their parties success at the forth coming election. Chief Attah listened with apt attention as Mr Fabian narrated to him his fear about his wife’s promiscuous attitude. When Mr Fabian finished talking, the two men sat in silence for few minutes, savouring the bitter sweet taste of the wine they had just sipped.
Chief Attah cleared his throat and dropped his wine.
Chief Attah: “so, what you are telling me is that Funmi is cheating on you with small boys and that she does it so shamelessly that you receive anonymous calls to that effect? Is that what you are telling me?” he asked.
Mr Fabian: “exactly my point. In fact, it has gotten so bad that I no longer pick anonymous calls. I am tired my brother”, he said dejectedly.
Chief Attah: “and what have you done about it?” he asked pouring himself another drink.
Mr Fabian: “What can an old man who is helplessly in love with his wife do? I have tried to caution her but each time she accuses me of paying undue attention to rumour mongers who want to destroy our marriage”, he said with his head bowed low.
Chief Attah: “smart woman, I must say. Anyway, have you ever caught her pants down before? I mean when you received the anonymous calls about her lodging in different hotels with men, do you go and confront her there?”
Mr Fabian: “I do not have the heart to do that. Embarrassing my wife is tantamount to embarrassing myself too. I don’t want to create a scene for the media and our political opponents to use as an opportunity to jeopardise my political ambition”, he said as he shrugged his shoulders.
Chief Attah: “O ma shey o (What a pity). Doesn’t she know the implication of what she is doing on your political career? Women can be so inconsiderate. After all that you are giving to her, she still does that to you? Or, are you lacking in your bedroom duties to her? Can’t you satisfy your wife sexually?” he lowered his voice and his gaze.
Mr Fabian: “I am trying, I give it to her to the best of my strength, I am not getting any younger you know. To be sincere with you, I will tell you the truth. We have come a long way and I know that my secrets are safe with you right?” he paused for effect.
Chief Attah nodded, urging him to speak on.
Mr Fabian: “The truth is that my wife is a horse who is never satisfied with sex. I will not kill myself trying to meet up. Most times, I pay her to make up for my inadequacies in bed”. He said sadly.
Chief Attach: “ah, ogah o. I have two solutions to this problem. One is that you should get yourself sweet chewing gum girls that will service you and bring you up to date with different styles that you would use on your wife and make sure your wife finds out that you are cheating on her so that she can spend her time trying to scare the girls away from you, you know women can very dangerous, she will be so occupied with working out ways to get the girls off you that she would not even have the time to flirt around with boys again. The other thing is that you should put your wife away silently.” He began to sip his wine.
Mr Fabian looked around him in fright. “What do you mean by ‘put my wife away silently?’ You want me to get involved in divorce mess at this old age?”
Chief Attah: “No, getting a divorce will do to your political ambition more harm than your wife’s shameless promiscuity is doing. What I mean is that you should kill her quietly. We will arrange it so well that no one will suspect you. In fact, some people will vote for you out of sympathy, we know how to capitalise on the misfortune that would befall you to brain wash gullible electorates.” He said looking over his shoulders.
Mr Fabian: “What!” he exclaimed loudly.
Chief Attah: “bee ni mo so (That is what I said)” he nodded.
Question: Looks like the story has taken a different twist. With Funmi threatening to deal with Terence and her husband being advised to murder her, what is the way forward?
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