Mr Fabian tried to open his bedroom door but it was locked from within.
Mr Fabian: “Hello, sweetheart I am home!” he said excitedly.
There was no response.
Mr Fabian: “Hello, anybody home? Where are all the domestic staff?” he asked rhetorically.
Funmi was moaning and groaning when she heard her husband’s voice. She jerked up from under Terence, overthrowing him on the bed.
Terence: ‘’What was that for, do you want to break my dick?” he asked.
Funmi: “shhhh…keep quiet and allow me think” she said quickly.
Terence: “what is the matter?” he asked suddenly sitting up when he heard the knock on the door. “I thought you said all your domestic workers have gone home? Who is knocking?” he asked her.
Funmi: “Just keep shut, that is my husband knocking” she whispered.
Terence: “Ewo!” he shouted and began to wear his boxers. “What do I do now? I am finished today, I know how wicked politicians can be. See where N500, 000 has landed me o” he was shivering.
Funmi: “Just shut up”, she whispered. “Now put on all your clothes and come with me” she dragged him into the enormous glass wardrobe that contained she and her husband’s personal belonging. She pushed him in, dumped a bale of dirty clothes on him, locked the wardrobe door and threw the key into her bra. She went back to the bed, straightened it, sprayed air freshener in the room and cleaned her face with water. All these she did in a few minutes, the speed which surprised her.
She opened the door and saw her husband. She ran into his arms feigning pleasant surprise.
Funmi: “Welcome, darling. I didn’t know that you would return today” she held on to him as he made his way into the room looking at her suspiciously.
Fabian: “It took you so long to open the door that I thought you were not in the room” he remarked.
Funmi: “oh, I was fast asleep. When I heard you knock the first time, I actually thought that I was dreaming because I wasn’t expecting anyone to knock since there are no domestic staff at home” she lied.
Fabian: “Where are they? This place is as quiet as a graveyard” he said sitting down.
Funmi: “I gave them the day off. I wanted to have a quiet day to myself without their interruption” she was beginning to get irritated with his persistent questions.
Fabian: “And I thought I heard voices in this room before you opened the door. Who were you with?” he asked looking around to Funmi’s disdain.
Funmi: “How can I be here with anyone? You of all people know that we don’t allow domestic staff into our bedroom and our children are not in the country so who do you think I will be here with? Anyway, the sound you heard must have been from the television” she replied quickly.
Fabian: “my wife that I know will not leave her television on when she is sleeping. Probably my ears were playing pranks on me or something. Anyway, I returned today just to surprise you”
Funmi: “Oh, it is a pleasant one, honey. Hope you bought many things for me?” she asked while helping him to undress.
Fabian: “Oh yes I did, trust me” he said, perceiving some odour that he couldn’t really place oozing out of his wife.
Funmi: “so, you just go in and shower and then I will get you something to eat. After that, we can discuss all about your trip” she couldn’t wait for him to go into the bathroom so that she could sneak Terence out of the house.
Fabian: “Oh yeah, but until then I need to check out a shirt I kept in this wardrobe” he pointed at the glass wardrobe where Terence was hiding.
He got up and made for the wardrobe but she stood up and intercepted him.
Funmi: “This wardrobe? You want to carry something from here?” she asked.
Fabian: “Yes, what is wrong with that?” he asked, surprise written all over his face.
Funmi: “You can’t pick anything out of the wardrobe, I mean you can cannot open the wardrobe” she stuttered.
Fabian: “and why can’t I?” He asked.
Funmi: “erm, the key, I mean the lock of the door is locked, it has refused to open” she answered anxiously.
Fabian: “oh really? Anyway, where is the key? Let me try and open it myself”
Funmi: “Ah…erm..the key is misising, yes, I don’t know where I kept the key” she stammered.
Fabian: “What are you saying, Funmi? Since when did we start removing the key from the lock? Anyway, I am calling the carpenter to come and fix it right away” he made to pick his phone but she stopped him.
Fabian: “What is it again?” he snarled at her.
Funmi: “I already informed the carpenter and he said he is on his way already. You don’t have to waste your airtime to call him again” she smiled sheepishly.
Fabian: “Hmmn, Funmi! Since when did using airtime become a problem in this house? Last I checked, you could spend hours making international calls without giving a damn about airtime”
In the wardrobe, Terence was suffocating and panting for breath for it was quite stuffy in there.
As soon as she heard her husband running the shower over his body, she opened the door of the wardrobe and quietly led him out of the compound without her husband smelling a rat, so she thought.
Chioma refused to see Kachi despite all the calls and pleas from him. when he sent Martins account number, she sent all his money to him and told him never to call her again because she was engaged to another man. He nursed his pains for weeks, by locking up himself and refusing to eat. Martins his friend, was getting irritated by the attitude.
Martins: “what is it now guy? Do you want to kill yourself because of a woman? Thank God she has returned your money, I think it is right about time you pick up the pieces of your life” he advised his friend.
Kachi: “Where do I start from? Chioma was my motivation. Because of her I strived to attain excellence, I feel so lost right now” he lamented.
Martins: “do you want to go the village and report her to her mother?” he asked with concern.
Kachi: “No, I cannot go to the village in this state. I am sure that most of them have heard that I was deported. Chioma’s mother also told my people that I was washing corpse in America and that is why her daughter cannot marry me again. Where will I hide my face for shame? No, I will only go back to the village when I have made it big, that way my mockers will be put to shame. I just need a little time to sort myself out and go into a lucrative business with the money I have with you” he said thoughtfully.
Martins: “Okay, you are welcome to stay here as long as you want. Now, I am going to get you something to eat and don’t tell me that you are not hungry else, we will fight o” he teased his friend.
Kachi smiled and thanked Martins, he was wondering what he would have done without such a good friend as Martins.
More than a year later, Chioma and Terence with his parents went to her village for wine carrying and to pay her bride price. To keep the ceremony from madam Funmi, he had rented another house in a different part of the town and had moved his things in there. The occasion in the village was well attended by friends and well wishers who had more than enough to eat and drink and take home. Mama Chioma seemed to be the happiest as she danced and smiled all through the time that the ceremony lasted. Chioma who was now in her final year moved in to live with her husband since it was permitted in their culture for a lady to move in with her suitor after he had paid her bride price. They were busy preparing for their white wedding which was to hold immediately after Chioma’s final exams.
Vicky was in her place of primary assignment when a friend who had travelled to the village returned to inform her that chioma and Terence had gotten married traditionally over the weekend.
Vicky: “Wait o, so what you are telling me is that my friend and my boyfriend did introduction in the village and I didn’t know?” she asked with surprise clearly written all over her face.
Nkiru: “How will you know when the wine carrying happened far away in the East and you are here in the north serving your fatherland?”
Vicky: “That white wedding that they are planning will not hold o, ah, rara o, kole werk! If Chioma thinks that I will allow her snatch my man just like that then she must be dreaming. Look at that little thing that I accommodated and fed when she came for her post UTME exams o. Those people are trying me o, heeen!” she fumed.
Nkiru: “What will you do to stop the wedding?” she asked sitting up on the plastic chair she was sitting on.
Vicky: “What will I do? Hahaaha, you underestimate my abilities. You just wait and see. She brought out her Samsung galaxy and dialled a number and waited for the owner to pick up.
Question: What sort of a slow man is this Mr Fabian, seff? Who do you think Vicky is calling? Will she succeed in stopping the wedding?
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